I have been in a marriage that has been abusive and my spouse had hill realtion with my chilldren. please need help in this matter.
Thank you for your question. We ask Allah to protect and bless you and your children, and we ask Him to change your husband so that he be good to you and your children and treat you with respect and dignity.
First, it would have been better if you had told us about the problem in more detail, one line is not enough to present such a problem. But we'll try to help you with general and useful advice:
There are certain things that you can do from your side as his wife:
1) Adopt a wise and smart approach in dealing with him. It is not difficult for a wife to know the keys to her husband's heart and find ways and means to achieve what she desires without problems or confrontations. For example, this was Aishah bint Kharijah's advice to her daughter when she got married: "You came from a cozy nest which you're familiar with to a bed that you're not accustomed to and partner that you're not acquainted with. Be his earth and he will be your sky. Be his plain and he will be your pillar. Be his maid and he will be your slave. Do not insist and press him to do something such that he starts to dislike you, nor distance yourself from him such that he forgets you. Should he get close to you, then you get closer too, and should he move away, then you move away too. Protect his nose, ears, and eyes such that he does not smell from you except what is pleasant, and not hear from you except what is good, and not see from you except was is beautiful."
2) that you know what it is that annoys him and what it is that needs, and then you try to positively respond to him and address his needs and concerns in an amicable and agreeable way. No one knows the details and nitty-gritty of this better than you,
3) that you patiently endure, constantly make du'a and direct yourself to Allah that He cause your husband to improve and be a better person and that He reconciles between you and bring harmony and affection to your marriage, because in the end, our hearts belong to Allah, and he is the One in charge of them. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) says in a hadith: " Indeed the hearts are between two Fingers of Allah's Fingers, He changes them as He wills.'"
4) that you avoid blaming one another (blame game) and whatever causes emotions and tempers to flare up, and that you try instead to get to a situation where you are able to mutually iron out problems with your husband and discuss the causes of disagreement in a calm, cordial and composed exchange and dialogue as a way of maintaining a good family relationship between you.
Finally, try to visit a family counseling center, you may get good help.
and Allah knows best.